Healing is an interesting process, and probably different for everyone.
Any time someone has hurt me in any very painful way, when I mustered up the courage to tell someone and they act supportive, I've gotten the same reaction.
Throw him in jail! What an evil person! I can't believe that! He'll never get better. He's disturbed, broken, it's so sad.
And there I am listening to these painful sharp words, shaking, regretting every word I said, because sometimes I have loved this person they are throwing insults at, and always I've empathized to the point of knowing they aren't "evil."
So eventually, I just stopped telling others about my darkest issues, especially around abuse.
I believe people can heal. I still do. I believe we all have a good heart, somewhere in there, even people who do really bad things.
But one thing I've learned through this most recent rocky impasse is that for someone to change, they have to accept that even though both parties are in the wrong in some way, they are partially at fault and they have control over their actions.
In some dark moments, I've yelled at people inappropriately. Usually when things are calm, I'll apologize and figure out why I did that and try to work on not yelling again. I won't blame them and say I'm out of control. If I did, I wouldn't get better.
"I can understand someone hurting others because they were abused as a child. I can't understand someone hurting others just because they've seen someone else get abused."
"Shouldn't it be unacceptable to hurt others in either scenario?"
From the book, Why Does He Do That?
The US Surgeon General has declared that attacks by male partners are the number one cause of injury to women between the ages of fifteen and forty-four.
The American Medical Association reports that one woman out of three will be a victim of violence by a husband or boyfriend at some point in her life.
The emotional effects of partner violence are a factor in more than one fourth of female suicide attempts and are a leading cause of substance abuse in adult women.
Government statistics indicate that 1,500 to 2,000 women are murdered by partners and ex-partners per year, comprising more than one-third of all female homicide victims, and that these homicides almost always follow a history of fiolence, threats, or stalking.
I watched Manhattan, one of my favorite movies, the other day. At the end, a young girl says, "Not everybody gets corrupted. You have to have a little faith in people." I nodded softly, as if the movie was talking straight at me. I always have faith in people.
Stephanie, humans are both very good and very violent. Both aspects exist, and you can't ignore that second part.